I wish I could simply just not exist

The other night I had this recurring intrusive thought popping up in my head again.

“I don’t want to be bothered living anymore”

As recently I’ve found myself waking up in the middle of the night and couldn’t find a way back to sleep again, so I kinda like staying up until the next sunrise or fall back sleep and wake up shortly afterwards back and fourth.

Which is very annoying.

Oh, and I tired sleeping pills already. Started at 0.5 mg. Didn’t work. Called my psychiatrist and asked if I should double-down, got a green light, but still not working.

Thinking of increasing to 1.5 mg next time, but I may have a better and profound idea.

Yes, I’m contemplating suicide, again. I’m thinking of ending myself by overdosing.

I know. I’m sorry, but if (when) I do it, I hope you all will find a way to understand and peace out with my decision. It’s not a stupid whim, it’s a contemplative as said above.

I’m tired.

Depression has sucked the life out of me.

I just want to be in a better place. Not right now, not sooner, but not very later, either.

Don’t fall into a trap like I did. Seek helps before it gets too late. I hope you find life worth living.

Talk to you later,

Matt